Sunday, April 25, 2010

Lost, looking for the forest, amongst the trees

"You cannot see the wood for the trees." (This is the original epigram that has been reinterpreted into "you cannot see the forest for the trees". John Heywood)  It means that you are so immersed in the details of a situation that you can not see the issue as a whole.

Before I owned my franchised business I worked as a consultant for the franchiser.  It was my job to, either in person or from afar, help franchisees solve problems.  I would listen to their issues, ask questions, seek expert opinions, apply my own knowledge and give them a possible solution to their problem.

As a business owner this process proved a little more difficult.  I couldn't see the forest for the trees.  The immediate obstacles in front of me (the trees) were obvious.  Employees, sales, money, customers, etc.  What I sometimes couldn't see was the core matter (the forest) that was causing the obstacle.

Example:  Early on we were in a cycle of strong sales, then a lapse, then strong sales again, followed by another lapse ... it was a bit maddening.  I was doing a lot of everything in the store because we could "not afford" to hire someone to help us out.  One day, in the midst of another 70 - 80 hour week, Julie said to me, "you can't keep up at this pace ... if you were still at your old job, what would you tell a franchisee in your position?"  This stopped me in my tracks, made me step out of myself and really look at what was going on.  I realized I used to see this situation ALL the time with store owners.  The answer ... suck it up, hire someone and you will more than pay for them with the time created to focus more on sales and customer service. 

I couldn't see the forest.

My new tree?  Zane.

A brief list of his offenses:
  • Colored with permanent marker on his face, hands, legs and feet  (Also on Zoe's hands).  Kicked the bunk bed ladder until it detached from the bed.  
  • Had to be removed from two separate restaurants for making a scene.  
  • Kicked Zadie in the head. (almost positive that it was purposeful)  
  • Stained our futon cover by coloring it with a dry erase marker.  
  • Through countless fits.  
  • Did not once get in his car seat the first time he was told.  
  • Put his hand in Zoe's urine stream.  
  • etc. etc. etc. 
And that was just this week.

I am tired of it.  I am tired of yelling.  I am tired of the constant battles.  Why can't he just be like his brother and sisters?  

BOOM ... it hit me ... like a line in a story that is bold, italicized and highlighted.

He is a strong-willed, "middle child".  Zach is the oldest with built in attention grabbers.  He does and has done everything first.  He is also home-schooled and participates in football, basketball, plays, etc.  Zoe is the first girl.  She is doing things and acting in ways that Zach never did, so of course it catches out attention.  Meanwhile, Zane is there.  He wants to be just like his big brother.  His best friend is his "big" sister.  He wants attention, but can't seem to get it through positive means, because his parents have been there, seen that.  So he acts out because he has found that it works. Attention is attention in Zane's world.

We recently had Zadie dedicated.  We subscribe to the belief that a child needs to be of an age to be able to make their own decision about Christianity and Baptism.  Because of this we do a dedication, where we as parents commit to raising our children to know Jesus, instead of an infant baptism.  We had the pastor pray that we would recognize and encourage them in their God given gifts.  But as we prayed for Zadie, I was missing that very thing in Zane.  I don't know what HE likes.  He loves to play with Zach's toys. He and Zoe play with her toys.  But when trying to come up with his interests, I draw a blank.

So I asked him, "Zane, what do you like?"  "Race cars", was his response.  OK, race cars.  But what else?

After just a day of really trying to focus on Zane, here is what I observed:  He loves drums and pianos.  He chased ducks from one side of the pond to another for about a half hour.  He idolizes his older brother.  He has a great smile.  He gives the best hugs.  And if we are willing to show some patience, he is rather agreeable.

Can't wait to see what I can learn from him tomorrow.

The most important thing that I have noticed is that he is different from his siblings.  He is his own person.  Kids are not going to fit into my preconceived mold.  Teach, no, demand from them, the important things, love, respect, compassion (because these are the hills you should die on); take the rest in stride and try to help them achieve their dreams.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

A Watched Pot

"A watched pot never boils."  Science has pretty much kicked this theory in the teeth.  A heat source (capable of reaching 212 degrees Fahrenheit, or for our Canadian friends, 100 degrees Celsius), a heat conducting pot/bowl, some water and you will eventually achieve boiling.  I know, too literal, but I do have a point to reach, so please bare with me.

Have you ever been away from someone for a while?  I'm talking 6 months, a year or longer.  Signs of aging are more prevalent when there is a time lapse.  The human body is constantly changing (for the good or bad).  The changes I am talking about are the ones that happen gradually to all of us.  Weight gain or loss.  Hair is grown, cut, colored or lost.  Faces and physiques can change. If you see the person everyday, these changes may not stand out, but it is the gap in encounters that make them stand out.

Now lets look at the same process, but focus it to the little incubators that are our Children.  Zach is 7 years and 2 months old.  He is about 53 inches tall.  Adding his time after birth and his time in the womb, he has been growing for about 96 months.  He has grown more than a half an inch a month since he was conceived.  Based on this growth rate, he will be 9 feet tall at around his 14th birthday.  Does anyone know a good big and tall shop?

The rapid rate at which children develop has really struck me over the last few weeks.  It started with a a stomach bug.  Sleeping patterns have been erratic.  I have just been tired and a little "checked-out".  Just a few weeks ... and with just that little bit of time elapsing, I notice a wonderland of development that has gone on around me from the children.

Zadie is now rolling over.  She rolls to her stomach and starts trying to pull herself to whatever has caught her eye.  She is developing her personality ... and she is a smiler.  She is already 5 months old.  Soon ... crawling, talking, walking ... don't blink.

Zoe and Zane's speech has exploded.  Five, Six, Seven word sentences.  They make jokes, they bargain, they argue ... they're hilarious.  Soon ... alphabet, counting, reading, math, school ... don't miss it.

Zach had a standardized test the other day.  He tested well.  Really well in some areas.  He impressed the test facilitator.  Soon ... enrichment programs, advanced placement, college credit ... don't lose focus.

Just as a pot of water will boil ... our children will grow up, whether we are watching or not.

The Z's favorite lunch is macaroni and cheese.  I wouldn't have a guess for the number of times that I have started to boil water, got distracted, got busy, and came back to find the water boiling out of control.

Children are going to grow up ... watch ... engage ... nothing is more important.
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