Lost, looking for the forest, amongst the trees

"You cannot see the wood for the trees." (This is the original epigram that has been reinterpreted into "you cannot see the forest for the trees". John Heywood)  It means that you are so immersed in the details of a situation that you can not see the issue as a whole.

Before I owned my franchised business I worked as a consultant for the franchiser.  It was my job to, either in person or from afar, help franchisees solve problems.  I would listen to their issues, ask questions, seek expert opinions, apply my own knowledge and give them a possible solution to their problem.

As a business owner this process proved a little more difficult.  I couldn't see the forest for the trees.  The immediate obstacles in front of me (the trees) were obvious.  Employees, sales, money, customers, etc.  What I sometimes couldn't see was the core matter (the forest) that was causing the obstacle.

Example:  Early on we were in a cycle of strong sales, then a lapse, then strong sales again, followed by another lapse ... it was a bit maddening.  I was doing a lot of everything in the store because we could "not afford" to hire someone to help us out.  One day, in the midst of another 70 - 80 hour week, Julie said to me, "you can't keep up at this pace ... if you were still at your old job, what would you tell a franchisee in your position?"  This stopped me in my tracks, made me step out of myself and really look at what was going on.  I realized I used to see this situation ALL the time with store owners.  The answer ... suck it up, hire someone and you will more than pay for them with the time created to focus more on sales and customer service. 

I couldn't see the forest.

My new tree?  Zane.

A brief list of his offenses:

• Colored with permanent marker on his face, hands, legs and feet  (Also on Zoe's hands).  Kicked the bunk bed ladder until it detached from the bed.  
• Had to be removed from two separate restaurants for making a scene.  
• Kicked Zadie in the head. (almost positive that it was purposeful)  
• Stained our futon cover by coloring it with a dry erase marker.  
• Through countless fits.  
• Did not once get in his car seat the first time he was told.  
• Put his hand in Zoe's urine stream.  
• etc. etc. etc. 

And that was just this week.

I am tired of it.  I am tired of yelling.  I am tired of the constant battles.  Why can't he just be like his brother and sisters?  

BOOM ... it hit me ... like a line in a story that is bold, italicized and highlighted.

He is a strong-willed, "middle child".  Zach is the oldest with built in attention grabbers.  He does and has done everything first.  He is also home-schooled and participates in football, basketball, plays, etc.  Zoe is the first girl.  She is doing things and acting in ways that Zach never did, so of course it catches out attention.  Meanwhile, Zane is there.  He wants to be just like his big brother.  His best friend is his "big" sister.  He wants attention, but can't seem to get it through positive means, because his parents have been there, seen that.  So he acts out because he has found that it works. Attention is attention in Zane's world.

We recently had Zadie dedicated.  We subscribe to the belief that a child needs to be of an age to be able to make their own decision about Christianity and Baptism.  Because of this we do a dedication, where we as parents commit to raising our children to know Jesus, instead of an infant baptism.  We had the pastor pray that we would recognize and encourage them in their God given gifts.  But as we prayed for Zadie, I was missing that very thing in Zane.  I don't know what HE likes.  He loves to play with Zach's toys. He and Zoe play with her toys.  But when trying to come up with his interests, I draw a blank.

So I asked him, "Zane, what do you like?"  "Race cars", was his response.  OK, race cars.  But what else?

After just a day of really trying to focus on Zane, here is what I observed:  He loves drums and pianos.  He chased ducks from one side of the pond to another for about a half hour.  He idolizes his older brother.  He has a great smile.  He gives the best hugs.  And if we are willing to show some patience, he is rather agreeable.

Can't wait to see what I can learn from him tomorrow.

The most important thing that I have noticed is that he is different from his siblings.  He is his own person.  Kids are not going to fit into my preconceived mold.  Teach, no, demand from them, the important things, love, respect, compassion (because these are the hills you should die on); take the rest in stride and try to help them achieve their dreams.