Mother

While a seemingly simple word, with a simple definition, it can carry a multitude of meanings for the definer.  Ancestor, child-bearer, creator, forebearer, mom, mommy, origin, parent, predecessor, procreator, progenitor, source.  These are the synonyms that Thesaurus.com provides, but this is a little clinical for my taste.  Here is something I ran across on the internet while researching for this post:

What Is a Mother? A mother is someone to shelter and guide us, To love us, whatever we do, With a warm understanding and infinite patience, And wonderful gentleness, too. How often a mother means swift reassurance In soothing our small, childish fears, How tenderly mothers watch over their children And treasure them all through the years! The heart of a mother is full of forgiveness For any mistake, big or small, And generous always in helping her family Whose needs she has placed above all. A mother can utter a word of compassion And make all our cares fall away, She can brighten a home with the sound of her laughter And make life delightful and gay. A mother possesses incredible wisdom And wonderful insight and skill - In each human heart is that one special corner Which only a mother can fill! - Katherine Nelson Davis

Is this your definition?  

I have had two mothers.  The first, Nancy, gave birth to me, then seven years, ten months and ten days later committed suicide.  She was depressed for years.  She took medication, was hospitalized a few times and even went as far as trying electro-shock therapy to try and turn it around, but to no avail.  As you can probably imagine, I have moved through a number of stages of feelings after her death.  As I did, the definition of mother changed with the waves of emotion.  Its definition ranged from, mommy, confusion, betrayer, quitter, nobody, Dad, pitiful, troubled soul, ancestor, a piece of each of my children (for good or for bad).  

The second, Maria, came to me through marriage to my father when I was ten years and eight days old.  She was my Dad's high school sweetheart.  Now this transition was not easy for me.  I was not a fan of Maria at first, but would any kid really be in favor of someone taking their fathers attention away from them.  Turned out she was a pretty nice lady.  She never once treated me as a step child.  Never tried to push me away.  She loves me as though I was with her from the womb.  She and my father worked to make sure I had every opportunity and were checked in enough to notice when I was skewing from the straight and narrow.  She went to my games.  She saw me graduate high school and college.  She was at my wedding.  She is a wonderful grandmother to my children.  And she has taught me what it means to be generous and giving.  She has altered my definition of Mother; provider, caretaker, giver, protector, parent, Mom.

There is another mother that I know that is constantly altering my definition of what a being a mother can mean.  Julie (my wife) is a wonderful mother.  How do you want your kids to turn out?  Smart, talented, successful, etc.  Those things can be important, but what are the core traits we want our kids to portray?  Respect, caring, empathy, politeness, a servants heart.  This is at the core of Julie's heart.

Julie has a saying, "a hill to die on."  This has to with picking your battles with the kids.  You can bend or break on the small issues; snacks, bedtime, clothing, television time, etc.  But when it comes to character issues like mentioned before, those are battles worth fighting or "hills worth dying on".  Even though Julie and I are on the same page when it comes to character issues, I am amazed at the level of grace that she disciplines with.  I tend to react swiftly and strongly when it comes to discipline.  Julie reacts swiftly, but with an iron fist covered with a velvet glove.  They know she is serious, understands the severity, but are spared the tears and agony that a round with Dad may invoke.  I stand in awe.

But of course it is not just about discipline.  Julie walks the walk.  She truly cares for people and shares with people a level of empathy that simply confounds my mind.  She truly feels what others are feeling, understands and relates to others situations.  What a lesson our children are learning by being able to observe a person that is so in tune with people.

Julie has brought true faith into our house.  She is a constant teacher, finding the time and patience to make sure their questions do not go unanswered and are understood.  She works with the children to say please and thank you.  Demands they respect their parents, siblings, friends and strangers.  She has taught them how to care for one another.  How to be friends.  

She has shown me what it is to have a true friend.  Someone to share life with.  She has moved the meter on my definition of mother; gentle, patient, soothing, forgiving, compassionate, caring, friendly, respectful.  

And that is just the beginning.  Not a month goes by that I don't find a new word to add to the ever changing definition.  

What is your definition?  What would others definition of you be?  This doesn't just apply for mothers, but for all of us.  I have seen that definitions are ever moving and nothing, not even death can stop the fluidity of meaning.  

Finally ... how are you defining the world?  More importantly ... how do you want to define the world?  What will your children blog about you 23 years, 7 months and 17 days after you are gone?