The human race has lost the ability to communicate outside the world of cliche. I am going to answer this once and for all (yes I realize that I am using the cliche of "once and for all" to express my point about over-used cliches), I DO HAVE MY HANDS FULL.

Why do people find it necessary to tell me I have my hands full when I am in public with my kids? What is their motivation? Do they think I am in over my head? If so my response should be "You know I really do have my hands full here, I really can't set the baby down and Zane has made a mess of his diaper. You will find everything you need in the diaper bag to change him."

Do they think I have too many kids? If so then I should respond "Yeah, my wife and I are really struggling. We were barely hanging on with the twins and then surprise, little Zadie. Do you know any nice families that have been looking to adopt?"

Do they think that I am a saint for giving their poor mother a chance to rest from the burdens of taking care of so many children. In that case my response should be "Yes I am a saint and I deserve your praise and adoration." Or, you know, something like that.

While these questions and others may be the motivation for their comment, I think we go through life having conversations of such little consequence, with so many people, that we learn to survive using a list of canned phrases that are time tested to fit into any situation. Julie and I have been noting this type of communication for years. When we were dating the question was, "when are you two going to get married?" After we were married it was, "when are you going to have kids?" After you have one child it becomes, "are you going to have another?" (it's odd, we don't get that question any more) And it keeps going like this, I assume until you die.

How's work? Staying busy? How's business? Sure is cold out there.

Now truth telling time, I use these all the time. I am an introvert (and evidently a hypocrite) by nature and I rely on phrases like these to get me through social interactions. I understand exactly why people rely on them so heavily. But I also believe it is a glaring example of nature vs. nurture. God made us to be in community with one another, to do "deep" with people, but we have made it our life's goal to exert our independence. Our decision to do it on our own, to not seek nor accept help has left us longing for real community. Commune is the root of both the word community and communication and it literally means a group living together. Since we no longer really live "together", the need for good, rich communication is less and less important.

I was reading recently from Thomas Paine's, "Common Sense", a short narrative about the role governments are formed. This is the first paragraph:

In order to gain a clear and just idea of the design and end of government, let us suppose a small number of persons settled in some sequestered part of the earth, unconnected with the rest, they will then represent the first peopling of any country, or of the world. In this state of natural liberty, society will be their first thought. A thousand motives will excite them thereto, the strength of one man is so unequal to his wants, and his mind so unfitted for perpetual solitude, that he is soon obliged to seek assistance and relief of another, who in his turn requires the same.

"Unfitted for perpetual solitude." God built us all with special talents. Those talents are supposed to work in harmony together to achieve more than we can imagine. We are meant to be in community, to have relationships, to know more than how someone spent their weekend or where they are going for lunch. Julie shared something with me that said we do not have the ability to have the thoughts and dreams that our grandparents generation were capable of because we do not possess the vocabulary to express them. It is the old, "If you don't use it you lose it" (I couldn't resist using another one).

How do we reverse the trend? How do we grow a new generation of great communicators that can break the cycle of cliche and start to rebuild a society of real communities.