The "Unrealiable Narrator"

I find a blog to be an interesting information vehicle. As in any piece of writing the audience is held captive of the one crafting the message. In literature there is something called the "unreliable narrator". This is a narrator who, consciously or unconsciously, lies to or deceives their reader. An example of this would be in Moby Dick, when Ahab recounts tales, in the first person, that occurred at a time and place that he could not have been present for.

A blog affords a writer even more opportunity to mislead their reader. Blogs are by and large anonymous. They do not have fact checkers, editors, or opportunity for unfiltered editorial feedback from the reader.

As the writer of this blog, I have creative license for the content of these pages. For those of you reading that have never met me or my family, I could very well be a 20 year old college student working on an English Lit project or a 45 year old housewife looking for a creative outlet. Of course, I am not.

I am a 31 year old father to four. As of two months ago, I was the owner of a signs and graphics business. Now my wife, Julie, has gone back to work and I am staying home with the four Z's (Zack, Zoe, Zane and Zadie). Starting in May I will be going back to school to work toward an Engineering degree.

So why I am I telling you all this. Well ... I like the attention really. You thought you were going to get a cute story about my kids and then wham, I hijacked your ear to tell you all about me. Please don't click away, it is not exactly like that. I am going to talk about me in this post (which takes me far from my comfort zone), but for a very specific purpose.

The more you know about an author, their station in life and their motivations, the easier it is to connect with and understand their writing. As I have become more interested in politics and political commentary, I have found it an important exercise to know who is writing and what their predispositions may be. This practice has even spread into my spiritual life. A couple of years ago I was looking to get a new bible. I finally found the perfect one for me. Julie calls it the "smarty pants" bible. It has all of the biographical information about the authors, along with dates, places and an overview of the time period and setting in which the books were written. Knowing the background and details is just something built into my DNA.

The reason I want to talk about who I am, it to avoid being an "unreliable narrator". I try to write daily, but a lot can happen in a day. I will typically pull one event (or maybe a series of events) to write on and expand upon, but it will be just a small fragment (and usually a pleasurable one). As the writer/narrator, I can shape your impression of me and my family using the information that I have and you do not.

So who am I? First thing I will own up front. I am far (far, far, far...did I mention far) from perfect. In parenting I feel that my largest vice is that I am short tempered. This is especially a problem when sleep deprivation is a factor (I have 2 year old twins and a newborn that until last week spent a lot of the night in our bed, so ...).

I am an introvert. I am able to express my self so much more freely typing on the screen than I could ever do in conversation (unless a few glasses of beer or wine were involved.) Julie has described the thoughts I share on the blog as, "finding beautiful hardwood floors in your house, hidden under old, worn-out, stained carpet".

I do not express my emotions publicly. I could be in the throws of the worst day or enjoying the best day and you probably could not tell the difference. Along with this, I can not stand public conflict and will avoid it at all cost.

I like to have independent, quiet time (just writing this makes me laugh). As a friend of ours said once after observing our children in action, "Your house is really loud." What a contrast to my house as a child. Until I was seven years old I was taught to literally tip-toe around the house so not to disturb my mother, who was suffering from clinical depression. Also, I spent most of my adolescence as a quasi only child. I have two half-brothers, a half-sister and a step brother, but most of the time I was the only child in the house. Through a series of circumstances involving divorces and death, my siblings and I were spread out, both geographically and by age. So I learned to entertain myself and to this day I find any time I can to just be alone with my thoughts.

I feel as though I should be lying on a couch as I write this. Actually my hand is slowly moving to the delete button.

Despite the faults (and there are many more), I love my family. I like to think I am quick to apologize for my short temper. Though emotionally guarded, I have no problem showing love and affection to my children when we venture out in the world. I have also learned to give up some time to assure the kids have what they need from me.

Children change you. You think they are not paying attention, that they will develop independent of your vices. Then one day you see yourself in your 7 year old, who has just snapped at your 2 year old, using the same tone and inflection that you yourself did just a half an hour before.

Children say what you say, eat what you eat, act the way you act, laugh the way you laugh, read the way you read, pray the way you pray, love the way you love. Oh to remember this before I act, rather than after.

So as I go forward, I will paint a picture of great times, humorous experiences and thought provoking discourse. But remember, behind the anecdotes and prose, is just a guy trying to work past my liabilities to raise loving, caring, responsible, kind-hearted children that love their mother, love me, love each other and love God.

If you made it to here, thank you for indulging me. I am going to spend the next few posts letting you get to know the rest of the family. So I hope you stayed tuned.